


i got a secret (gonna make you mine)

by symphony7inAmajor



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: 5 Things, Anal Sex, M/M, Manhandling, Size Difference, horny and stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-12-01 21:16:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20902016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/symphony7inAmajor/pseuds/symphony7inAmajor
Summary: Patrik’s always been bigger than Nikolaj.(it's infuriating in more ways than one.)





	i got a secret (gonna make you mine)

**Author's Note:**

> this is basically just five times patrik manhandles nikolaj and nikolaj gets horny about it.
> 
> inspired by the size difference as seen during the jets @ rangers game.
> 
> title from "chemistry" by arcade fire

1.

Patrik’s always been bigger than Nikolaj. Even when he first came into the League as a teenager, still lanky and growing into his body, he loomed over Nikolaj. It weirded Nikolaj out at first, because Patrik was supposed to be _ his _ rookie, but half the time Nikolaj felt like he was the sidekick. 

That feeling has disappeared in the three years since then. Mostly.

But Patrik is still taller than him, and it’s been a long time since he was that awkward eighteen year old. He’s grown up, settled into his skin.

Nikolaj _ notices _ the instant he sees Patrik back in Winnipeg for the first time, both of them early for practice on purpose so they could get a chance to talk before the rest of the team shows up.

“Good summer?” he asks, trying to swallow past the sudden dryness in his throat. He tries to keep his focus on Patrik’s face, determinedly not looking at his shoulders, his chest, his thighs. 

“Yeah,” Patrik says, smiling his lopsided smile. He reaches out to wind a lock of Nikolaj’s hair around his index finger and tugs on it sharply. Nikolaj bites his tongue so hard he worries that he’s drawn blood. “You too, huh?”

It takes a second for Nikolaj to process what Patrik means, and in the meantime Patrik drops his hand. Nikolaj tries very hard to to look to upset about that. “Uh,” he says, “yes.” He clears his throat, shifting in place as Patrik levels a confused look at him.

“Okay,” Patrik says slowly. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Nikolaj says, too quickly, maybe. “I’m just tired.” He seizes the opportunity and jabs Patrik in the belly. Unfortunately, all that really does is make him aware of how solid Patrik is. How strong he’s gotten. “Some of us had to be here, uh, playing hockey. Not lying around at home,” he adds, trying to recover. Patrik catches his wrist before Nikolaj can retreat out of arm’s reach. 

Patrik doesn’t say anything for a second, just looks at him with his sharp blue eyes. Nikolaj swallows hard and tries not to blush.

“That’s mean, Fly,” he says eventually, his voice soft. His grip tightens for an instant, his fingers a vice around Nikolaj’s wrist. 

“Yeah, well,” Nikolaj says. _ Well what? _ he wonders for a frantic moment, then Patrik uses his hold on Nikolaj to tug him closer and spin him around so he can sling an arm across Nikolaj’s shoulders and walk with him to the dressing room. 

“You should be nice to me,” Patrik informs him, an amused note in his voice like he knows how unlikely that is.

Normally, Nikolaj would answer with a chirp of his own that would lead to some good-natured roughhousing. Right now, he’s dazed from the feeling of Patrik pulling him into his side so easily, the way he holds Nikolaj under his arm like he belongs there.

“Maybe,” Nikolaj says, too late, too quiet. He can feel Patrik looking at him, but he keeps his eyes straight ahead and walks a little faster.

2.

Okay. So. It’s not like it’s anything new, the way Patrik makes Nikolaj feel, but there’s something different this year. Maybe it’s the way he looks this year, lean after a summer of training and his facial hair short and even, a style that suits him a lot better than his beard. 

That year had been difficult for Nikolaj. Like, he loves Patrik, but the beard had sometimes made him reconsider that.

Now, Nikolaj catches himself looking at the line of Patrik’s jaw and wondering what the stubble would feel like against his lips, on his neck. Between his thighs. 

Patrik catches him looking, sometimes. He always holds eye contact with Nikolaj until the back of Nikolaj’s neck heats up and he has to look away.

It’s easier once they’re back to a regular schedule, the familiar grind of the season helping to distract Nikolaj. Unfortunately, Patrik is kind of hard to ignore. He’s just—he’s always _ there. _

Nikolaj can’t _ not _ hang out with Patrik—they’re still best friends, no matter what Nikolaj’s inconvenient feelings might wish—and while they don’t spend as much time together as they did when they were road roomies, they still spend a lot of time together. 

Like now, for instance. 

Patrik is sitting at the opposite end of the couch, eyes on the screen where his team is soundly beating Nikolaj’s. Nikolaj is playing even worse than usual, his concentration broken by the sight of Patrik’s hands around his controller, the flex of his forearm, the dark ink of his tattoo barely visible below the sleeve of his T-shirt.

Nikolaj can’t seem to stop _ looking. _

Finally, the buzzer sounds on the TV and Nikolaj throws his controller down in defeat.

“I give up,” he says. He slings his legs up onto the couch, his socked feet almost pressed against Patrik’s thigh. 

“You suck at this,” Patrik tells him, not unkindly. He sets his controller down and leans against the arm of the couch so he can face Nikolaj.

Nikolaj doesn’t deign to respond, instead straining to stretch his legs out and jab at Patrik’s thigh with his toes. 

“Why are your feet so bony,” Patrik complains, smacking Nikolaj’s shins in an attempt to stop him. He doesn’t let Nikolaj reply, instead grabbing Nikolaj’s ankles in both hands and yanking him down the couch.

Nikolaj squeaks when his back hits the couch cushions, the air knocked out of him abruptly. 

Patrik leans over to look down at him judgmentally.

“Don’t be stupid,” he says mildly, and Nikolaj shoves a foot in his face to cover the way he feels too hot. His heart is thumping and he can feel the way it’s beating too fast in his throat and his chest. Patrik grabs his leg again, this time by the back of his knee, and he tries to shove Nikolaj off the couch.

“Fuck!” Nikolaj yelps, grabbing for purchase to keep himself from falling. Instead, his free leg ends up behind where Patrik is leaning forward precariously and he catches at Patrik’s shirt, dragging him off the couch.

Nikolaj’s back hits the floor hard, but Patrik catches the back of his head with one hand to keep him from getting concussed on the hardwood. His other hand smacks down beside Nikolaj’s ear.

“Careful,” Patrik murmurs, “you could’ve hurt yourself.”

Nikolaj’s cheeks burn. He can’t look away from Patrik, their faces only inches apart. Patrik’s hair is loose and soft looking, and Nikolaj thinks wildly that it would be so easy to get his hands in it and pull Patrik down to kiss him. 

“Patrik,” Nikolaj says, staring up into Patrik’s blue eyes.

Patrik blinks hard, seeming to take notice of the way he’s kneeling between Nikolaj’s legs, his hand still curled around the back of Nikolaj’s head, and he sits back quickly.

“Sorry,” he says, awkward.

Nikolaj lies on the floor for another long moment, trying to catch his breath. 

“It’s fine,” he says. His voice is almost steady. He sits up, running a hand through his hair. “I should, uh, probably head out now.” He doesn’t have to—he wasn’t planning to leave so early, either, but right now he doesn’t think he can handle being so close to Patrik. Not when he can still feel the phantom warmth of Patrik’s hand in his hair. 

“Oh,” Patrik says, but he doesn’t try to convince Nikolaj to stay.

Nikolaj is glad he doesn’t. Otherwise, he might’ve done something really, really stupid. 

3.

For a few days after that, Nikolaj feels a little jittery, like there’s something buzzing under his skin that’s just itching to be let out. 

He tries to release the energy in hockey, throwing himself into games with an extra urgency, but it only works for as long as he’s on the ice and doesn’t have time to think about anything beyond his stick and his skates.

He tries jerking off, which only settles him for a little while and makes it even worse afterward. Doing it before bed has the consequence of half-remembered dreams of blue eyes and strong hands, and waking up shivering and hard. 

Nikolaj is pretty sure that everyone else thinks he’s decided to train extra hard this year, getting to practice early and staying late, spending longer in the gym than he ever has before. It’s better that way. Nobody needs to know that he’s working to fight the urge to march up to Patrik, take him by the face and kiss him on the mouth.

It’s infuriating. Nikolaj has never had this much trouble with that urge before. 

Today, Nikolaj thinks he’s the last one on the ice as he winds up and shoots a puck at the crossbar. 

The puck goes high and hits the glass with a dull _ thump. _

He tries again. This time, it goes off the bar and into the net.

“Nice shot,” Patrik calls. 

Nikolaj jumps and turns around to see Patrik leaning against the boards, watching him shoot. 

“Why are you still here?” Nikolaj asks. Instead of watching while Patrik answers, he skates behind the net and starts collecting all his pucks.

“Because you’re still here,” Patrik answers. He’s getting closer, but Nikolaj doesn’t look up. 

He regrets that.

Patrik bumps into Nikolaj gently and crowds him up against the glass. He’s close enough that Nikolaj needs to tilt his head up to meet his eyes.

“What,” Nikolaj says, embarrassingly breathy, “what are you doing?” 

“What’s up with you?” Patrik says. He has a furrow between his brows and his mouth is tilted down. “You’re acting weird.” 

“I’m not.”

“You _ are,” _ Patrik snaps, planting a hand on Nikolaj’s chest and pushing him against the boards. “You’re avoiding me.” Patrik gets a kicked puppy sort of look on his face when he says that and Nikolaj feels a sting of shame.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, looking down at his skates. “I don’t—I’m just figuring some stuff out right now.” 

“Tell me?” Patrik drops his hand from Nikolaj’s chest and Nikolaj tells himself he doesn’t miss it. Patrik’s expression is at once earnest and determined, and Nikolaj’s heart twists at how obvious it is that he wants to help.

Nikolaj wants to tell him everything. “I can’t,” Nikolaj blurts. His stomach drops at the way Patrik’s face closes off as he shifts away. 

“Okay,” Patrik says, not quite looking at Nikolaj. 

He still stays out to help Nikolaj clean up the pucks, and they have to change together in the locker room after. 

They’re not more than a few feet apart the entire time, but somehow Nikolaj feels like the distance between them hasn’t been so great in years. 

4.

Nikolaj hates his team.

No, that’s not right.

“I love you,” Nikolaj slurs, listing into Patrik’s side. “Um, you guys.”

“Would you drink some water?” Patrik sighs as Nikolaj rubs his cheek against Patrik’s sleeve. His hoodie is soft, sue him. 

“Uh,” Kyle says, squinting at Nikolaj. “Is he okay?” 

“He’s fine,” Patrik says. Nikolaj frowns at the way they’re talking about him like he’s not even here. “He’s going to feel this in the morning, though. Ville convinced him to do shots.”

“I hate Quebec,” Kyle says and Nikolaj nods wisely. “Where is he, anyway?”

“Mark took him back to the hotel after his second shot,” Patrik says. “Niky wasn’t so lucky.”

Nikolaj realizes he’s still nodding and stops.

“I like when you call me that,” he says, ignoring the way Adam starts coughing as he chokes on his beer. 

“Uh,” Patrik says. He seems to be at a loss for words. 

“Patty,” Nikolaj says, dragging it out for as long as he can. He takes a deep breath. “Come dance with me?” The music of the club is loud, vibrating in Nikolaj’s bones deep enough that Nikolaj thinks it could knock out that weird energy he’s still feeling. It’s dark besides, and nobody would notice them.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Patrik says. 

Kyle coughs loudly.

Nikolaj pulls away from Patrik’s warmth with some difficulty. “Well,” he says unsteadily, “if you won’t, somebody else will.” He strides away from the team’s table, a wobbly feeling in his chest. 

A hand closes around his shoulder before he can enter the crowd of dancers. Nikolaj’s breath stutters as he’s pulled back, almost tripping over his own feet. A strong arm catches him around the waist, holding him steady.

“You have to be more careful,” Patrik says, his mouth so close to Nikolaj’s ear that he can feel the warmth of his breath. 

“Where’s the fun in that?” Nikolaj asks, half-turning his head enough that his forehead bumps against Patrik’s temple. Patrik laughs softly and lets Nikolaj lead him into the crowd. 

It’s easy, once the crowd surrounds them on all sides and all Nikolaj can feel are Patrik’s hands on him, keeping him steady, and the thrum of the bass in his bones. 

“Isn’t this better than sitting at the table all night?” Nikolaj has to shout to be heard over the music.

Patrik’s teeth flash as he grins. “Maybe,” he replies, squeezing Nikolaj’s waist. 

For a second, Nikolaj feels like he’s on top of the world. He takes a chance.

Nikolaj leans up and presses his lips against the underside of Patrik’s jaw, hard and fast. He leans back, looking up at Patrik hopefully.

His hope crumbles in his chest at the blank look on Patrik’s face.

Patrik pushes him back carefully, and Nikolaj doesn’t even feel the usual fluttery feelings he gets when Patrik moves him like that. 

“Nikolaj,” Patrik says, his voice careful, “this isn’t—”

“Don’t.” Nikolaj’s voice cracks humiliatingly. He stumbles away from Patrik, not turning back and grabbing his coat from the table. “I’m going back to the hotel,” he tells the guys, hoping his eyes don’t look any shinier than usual, then he hurries outside and into the cold.

The car arrives before Patrik can find him.

If Patrik is even looking.

5.

The road trip ends a few days later and Nikolaj goes straight home after the flight from Boston, not saying anything to the others except for a quiet, “bye.” 

He strips off his suit and goes to sleep right away. He doesn’t really want to think about anything else.

The next day is an off day, so Nikolaj sleeps in and spends the morning sitting in different rooms and regretting his actions at the club.

He’ll be lucky if Patrik still wants to be his friend anymore, he thinks glumly. He fists his hands in his hoodie and slumps against the couch. 

The hoodie is too big on him. He’s pretty sure Patrik left it behind after he stayed over one night and never got it back. Nikolaj sinks even lower into the couch and tucks his nose into the collar of the hoodie.

It doesn’t really smell like Patrik anymore, but it makes him feel a tiny bit better anyway.

His phone buzzes against his hip and he answers without looking.

“Hello?”

“Nikolaj,” Patrik says, “we need to talk. Can you let me up?”

Nikolaj almost says no, but Patrik’s right.

He almost changes his mind when he sees Patrik standing outside his door a few minutes later, but Patrik brushes past him and takes off his boots and coat before Nikolaj can say anything.

“Is that my hoodie?” is the first thing Patrik says.

“You left it here. That makes it mine.” Nikolaj crosses his arms.

Patrik shrugs like that makes sense and starts off down the hall. “It looks better on you, anyway,” he tosses over his shoulder.

“Um,” Nikolaj squeaks, and he hurries after Patrik.

Patrik sits down on the couch, tilting his chin towards Nikolaj. Nikolaj stays standing up.

“You kissed me,” Patrik says bluntly.

“I’m so sorry,” Nikolaj says, “I was drunk, I know I shouldn’t have, it was stupid, I—”

“Was it a drunk thing?” Patrik interrupts.

Nikolaj stops his rambling. _ What? _ “What?” 

“I don’t—”

“Was it just a drunk thing,” Patrik repeats. “Did you not want to kiss me before?” He levels a look at Nikolaj. “Do you want to kiss me now?”

Nikolaj’s heart skips a beat.

“I,” he tries, his voice not quite cooperating. 

Patrik gets up and walks slowly towards Nikolaj, like he’s a spooked animal or something. He curls a hand around the back of Nikolaj’s neck, brushing against his hair.

“Tell me you don’t,” Patrik says. “I’ll stop if you don’t and we can forget this happened.”

“Patrik,” Nikolaj says, his voice raw, “please.” His tongue darts out to wet his lips and he watches Patrik watch. 

“Fuck,” Patrik breathes, and then his mouth is on Nikolaj’s, fierce and hungry. 

Nikolaj’s gasp catches in his chest and he scrabbles at Patrik’s shoulders. Patrik’s hand twists in Nikolaj’s hair, tipping his head back so they can kiss at a better angle. His other arm wraps around Nikolaj’s waist, effortlessly pulling him closer to Patrik.

“Patrik,” Nikolaj manages, gasping for breath as Patrik moves to nip at Nikolaj’s throat. His teeth scrape over the tendons there as he tugs sharply at Nikolaj’s hair. Nikolaj can’t stop himself from whimpering and he digs his fingers into Patrik’s shirt, wishing he could touch his bare skin.

Patrik is able to stop himself long enough to look at Nikolaj, eyes dark and cheeks flushed, but his voice is clear. “I don’t want just once,” he says firmly. “I can’t do just once.”

“Thank god,” Nikolaj says, and he practically jumps into Patrik’s arms.

Patrik laughs and catches him, lifting him high enough that his feet come off the ground. Nikolaj shudders. 

“You like that,” Patrik says. He tugs at Nikolaj’s hair so he can make eye contact. “Niky?”

“Yeah,” Nikolaj groans, trying to climb Patrik as well as he can.

Patrik’s hands run down Nikolaj’s back to rest on his ass. He squeezes, and Nikolaj’s hips jerk against Patrik’s thigh, then Patrik’s hands go lower and rest on his thighs.

“Can you jump for me?” he whispers. He presses a kiss to Nikolaj’s cheekbone and Nikolaj nods rapidly. “Good.”

The moment Patrik tightens his grip, Nikolaj jumps up, wrapping his legs around Patrik’s waist and his arms around his neck. Patrik holds him tightly under his thighs. 

Patrik carries him all the way to the bedroom like that, though it takes longer than usual because he keeps stopping to push Nikolaj up against walls and make out with him.

Not that Nikolaj’s complaining.

Patrik tosses Nikolaj on the bed and immediately steps back to pull his shirt off. Nikolaj lets himself stare for a second before he strips out of his own clothes. 

Lying on the bed naked with Patrik looking down at him, Nikolaj feels embarrassed and he draws his knees up slightly. 

“Oh, Niky,” Patrik says, soft, and he joins Nikolaj on the bed. He brushes Nikolaj’s hair back from his face, kissing every inch of his face until Nikolaj relaxes. “You’re so good for me,” Patrik tells him, mouthing at his throat while Nikolaj pulls him closer. Patrik settles between Nikolaj’s legs, his cock pressed against Nikolaj’s hip. 

Nikolaj arches his back to rub against him and Patrik’s teeth dig into his skin.

“Fuck me,” Nikolaj mumbles. 

Patrik freezes, looking up at Nikolaj slowly. “Are you sure?” He strokes a thumb over Nikolaj’s inner thigh.

“Please,” Nikolaj says. “I want you to.” He blinks up at Patrik, then tilts his head toward the nightstand. While Patrik reaches over to find Nikolaj’s lube and condoms, Nikolaj presses the heel of his hand against his cock, trying to take the edge off.

Patrik slides a pillow under Nikolaj’s hips and pushes his legs apart, the fingers of his right hand shiny with lube. He leans in to kiss Nikolaj while his fingers tease against Nikolaj’s hole.

Nikolaj bites down on Patrik’s lower lip when the first finger slips inside. 

“Ow,” Patrik says, his voice strained.

“Sorry!” Nikolaj’s voice is a couple octaves higher than usual. 

Patrik curls his finger as revenge and Nikolaj gasps. 

Patrik is very good at this. His hands are big and warm and confident, and Nikolaj is a mess before Patrik even gets his dick in him. He thrusts the three fingers he has in Nikolaj’s ass against his prostate and Nikolaj cries out, his nails digging into Patrik’s shoulders. 

“Come _ on,” _ he begs, and Patrik finally relents.

Patrik slides his fingers out to roll the condom on, then he looks at Nikolaj consideringly. “Here,” he says, and he takes Nikolaj by the hips and flips him onto his front. 

“Oh,” Nikolaj says, then he feels the first press of Patrik’s cock against him and, _ “oh.” _He can almost hear Patrik’s smug smirk, but he can’t bring himself to care right now.

Patrik’s fingers flex at his hips, and Nikolaj rocks back, trying to get more of Patrik inside him.

“Be patient,” Patrik scolds, but he’s breathless. He rolls his hips one last time and Nikolaj trembles at the feeling of Patrik being fully inside. Patrik is a big man. It stands to reason that he’s big _ everywhere. _

“Move,” he says, his voice cracking. 

Slowly at first, Patrik moves against Nikolaj, trying to gauge his reactions. 

As Patrik gains confidence, he starts fucking Nikolaj harder, faster, knocking loose some truly spectacular noises. Nikolaj might’ve been embarrassed by some of them if he didn’t have bigger—_hah—_things to focus on.

“Oh, _ fuck,” _ Nikolaj groans as Patrik gets an arm under his torso and lifts him back to sit on his lap, driving him deeper than before. Nikolaj sags back against Patrik, head dropping onto his shoulder. He turns his head to meet Patrik in a messy kiss.

Patrik uses the new position to fuck Nikolaj with more power, gripping his hips but also running his hands over Nikolaj’s chest and throat and inner thighs until Nikolaj is almost sobbing with desperation. He feels like fire is licking its way up his spine, embers burning in his belly.

“Do you want to come now?” Patrik asks, his hand rubbing the crease of Nikolaj’s thigh, so close to where he needs it.

“Yes,” Nikolaj gasps, nodding frantically against Patrik’s shoulder.

“Okay,” Patrik says, and his hand disappears. “Go ahead.”

“Oh,” Nikolaj says, a punched-out, soft sound, and he does. He shakes in Patrik’s lap, vaguely aware that he’s whining.

Patrik lowers him down to the mattress, careful not to slip out. 

“Y’can finish,” Nikolaj slurs, pushing his hips back against Patrik. Even that makes him shiver with overstimulation.

Patrik fucks Nikolaj fast as he chases his own orgasm, and Nikolaj turns his head to the side to breathe. He lets out soft whimpers as the drag of Patrik’s dick inside him sends sparks up his spine and finally, Patrik’s hips stutter as he comes.

He strokes Nikolaj’s spine and pulls out, tossing the condom into the trash before collapsing beside Nikolaj. He pulls Nikolaj into his arms and Nikolaj pushes his face into the crook of Patrik’s neck and shoulder.

Patrik pets his hair for a minute. 

“Hey, Patty?” Nikolaj says sleepily.

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you were trying to be chiva—chival—nice and not take advantage of me being drunk instead of ending our friendship,” he says. He snuggles a little closer to Patrik.

Patrik laughs softly. “I would never,” he says. “Even if I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t.” Patrik takes a deep breath. “I love you, Niky.” 

“Oh,” Nikolaj says, “good.” Patrik pinches his waist and Nikolaj grins into his skin. “Love you too, stupid.”

Patrik sighs, long-suffering. “Go to sleep, stupid,” he says.

Nikolaj closes his eyes, warm and content in Patrik’s arms, and does.

**Author's Note:**

> :3c
> 
> 9/10 dentists recommend you follow me on [tumblr](https://symphony7inamajor.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/symphony7inAmaj)


End file.
